Christmas 2008 and New Year 2009 - the two events I could hardly wait to celebrate. They were to be my first celebrations in the beautiful house of my dreams that got completed after about 2 years. But as luck would have it, nothing went the way I had planned. My MIL got seriously ill (had a recurring GI Bleed) on the 23rd and was hospitalized. I had all but started baking for Christmas when this happened. We remained with her till the 14th of January when she finally came back home after a series of endoscopies and angiographies. It was then time to think of our Christmas tree standing beautifully decked up (and unappreciated) and the stash of gifts lying beneath it (most of them for my daughter Sanika).

Things were better for Sanika though. Her annual preschool Christmas bonanza program at school had been postponed and had been rescheduled on the 13th of January. And between trips to the hospital and sending fresh juice for my now recovering MIL and other household chores, I had somehow managed to take Sanika to school everyday so that she did not miss out on the rehearsals and performed with her class at the function now christened ‘Fledgeling Fiesta’. She performed ‘Jingle Bell Rock’ and really couldn’t make out the difference between a 25th December morn and a 13th January one. And we were glad she couldn’t for on the 15th of January, we decided that my MIL being come back to home now, my husband should take her directly from school to open her Christmas presents and I was to stay with my MIL as she couldn’t be left all alone yet. Here are pictures of Sanika’s school performance and her ‘gift-opening’ ceremony that took place a day later in her school uniform and a fresh wound on her knee.

Gone were my plans for a special dinner and loads of baked goodies, hot cocoa on the terrace - we did not even out a wreath on the front door! Gone were my new year resolutions of launching new websites, updating my blog daily and writing a journal - I was without a computer for several days! And yet, on the 25th of December when the doctors pronounced my MIL safe and cured, I felt Christmas hadn’t been disappointing at all. On the 31st, she came home from the hospital (she was hospitalized again with the same complaint re-occuring within a week) and we were all relieved to have such a wonderful new year. The entire episode humbled me with regards to our expectations. We may plan as much or as little, there is certainly a thing such as fate that actually takes care of everything in our lives. And if one thing does go wrong, something else definitely comes up to make the day bright for you - albeit you might not see it in that light initially.

For now, as long as this episode is spoken of in the past tense, I am glad to acknowledge it as a very humbling and inspiring Christmas and New Year. I am resuming my work full-fledged from tomorrow and hoping that 2009 blesses us all with great health and good luck.

Happy New Year!

This Monday was one of the most tiring days I’ve had in a long time. I had to do an elaborate article on Cannes and some more articles on fashion and style as well as prepare and send out the weekly e-zine featuring all this fresh content. I started work at 7 in the morning and completed everything by 6 p.m only stopping once in between to have lunch. My husband took care of my daughter, fed her, played with her and was exhausted himself by the end of the day. But he wasn’t getting any help from me even then because by the time I was done, I was pretty exhausted myself. And not just exhausted, I was feeling guilty for not playing with Sanika, not doing any household chores and actually doing nothing else all day and angry with myself for not having enough energy at the end of the day to make up for my loss of attention earlier in the day. My room was a mess to say the least. In short, my work was finally done, I will dead tired and I was hating myself for not being a good Mom and a good wife.

But before I could say any of this aloud, I got an unexpected and most surprising ‘I Love You’ from my DH. Wow! I stared at him not really believing my ears. He is not the one to shower too many I Love You’s and the sort without a reason. And getting it from him just when I was feeling most unworthy of any such thing! Before I could say anything back or even argue with the correctness of it, Sanika called me into the balcony to see the moon. While we were watching it together, she came up with this:

“Mamma, there is only one moon. There are many stars. There are many airplanes. There are many trees. There is only one Mamma.” I was speechless and could do nothing other than giving her a big, tight, emotional hug that she soon scrambled out of.

Oh dear, what have I done to deserve such a loving family? Is this was families are for? Loving you and supporting you when all you’ve done is behaved in the worst possible way?

The day’s surprises were not over yet. My husband had been reading ‘Chicken Soup for the Parent’s Soul’ and pointed this out to me:

I’m Okay

The house is a mess, the dishes are dirty.
I’m too old for this stuff, I’m well over thirty!
The car is not clean, my hair is a wreck,
And I’ve already spent next Friday’s paycheck.

The laundry needs washing, the kids are too rowdy,
And I never have time for a leisurely “Howdy.”
With all that I do, it’s never enough,
It’s never quite finished, it always looks rough.

I looked in my mirror and what did I see?
A harried old stranger, where I used to be.
The hurrier I go, the behinder I get.
Today is tomorrow, and I’m not caught up yet.

My kids are growing at such a fast pace,
That I’m missing their childhood for the sake of this race.
I work and I clean and I cook, and I say
“Hit the books, clean your room!” there’s no time for play.

Well, the Lord, for some reason, chose ME with the care
Of three of His children, but I’m rarely there!
I’ve GOT to slow down lest there’s nothing to show
For my role as their mom when they pack up and go!

I’m only one person, but look through my door,
What appears to be one, divides into more!
I’m a chauffeur, a cook, a planter of trees,
A teacher, an umpire, a mender of knees.

Sometimes, I forget that deep down inside,
There’s a lady with feelings, and last night, she cried.
She gets tired and lonely, feels taken for granted
She wants to see blooms from the seeds that she’s planted.

Then, amidst all the turmoil in this mind-bending pace,
My little ones look at me - square in the face…
And just when I need it, they all in one day
Say, “Momma, I love you” and then…I’m OKAY!

by Rabona Gordon

And he did not even know what had passed between my daughter and me in the balcony a few minutes ago. I could contain myself no longer and burst into tears after reading it. And my dear, dear husband was ready to comfort me, already prepared that something like this would happen. He knows me too well, I guess.

I am so blessed to have a family that loves me for whatever and however I am!